It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just high enough for therapy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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