You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
