Got a toothbrush?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize