A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
