I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
