You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
