Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
