But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
