Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
