i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I haven't been this sober since birth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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