oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
