Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
