1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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