There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
