WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
