What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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