Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize