I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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