My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I only lived at night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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