its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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