Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
