that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize