Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
