i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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