Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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