You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
