break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
