If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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