the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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