i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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