i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
