everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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