i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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