God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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