you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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