i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
