im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
