It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
