you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
