her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
