He asked me if I "almost moaned"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
