guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am in a vortex of obligation.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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