We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
