if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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