I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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