I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
