I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
