I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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