I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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