i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
