all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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