the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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