I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
