if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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