4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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