Taylor Swift is so right about you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
