Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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