Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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