Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
