dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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