you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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