Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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