Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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