the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
