Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
