Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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