so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
