well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've blown a few things in my day
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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