So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
