so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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