So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
