one two three fourrrrnication!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
