how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
