She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
