Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
