i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
