i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
