I think my fart just growled at me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
