Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
