Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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