dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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