Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
