we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
