it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
