As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize