im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
