is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
