she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
