TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize