I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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