The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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