She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i now understand why vodka
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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