im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize