that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
