What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
